Lately it seems controversial to talk about diets and diet culture. Most of the time diets are seen as fad ways to try and fit in with the crowd. Or to try and fit into boxes. I want to just talk about how I’m choosing to diet and the ways I’m going about it in a healthy way. So I want to talk to you about why I’m changing my diet.
For the majority of my life I’ve been overweight. In October I was the heaviest I ever weighed and looked it too. I haven’t been happy with the way I’ve looked in the mirror for a very long time and it’s impacted me. The way I treat myself and how much anxiety and depression it’s actually brought onto me. I haven’t been a plus sized girl who is owning her body or even able to treat myself with respect and love myself for who I am. Not once have I looked in the mirror in years and thought ‘I look good today’. Not once. And that is unhealthy.
When did it start?
To take things back I struggled with it a lot more when I was in high school because I had to be around people a lot more. Getting changed in an open room for sports made me feel sick. And there would be days that my friends would comment on my thunder thighs and how I have thick skin so I don’t feel the cold as much. The fact that I graduated high school 10 years ago shows the impact comments like those have impacted me.
I got fatter in college and then in university and for a while after I started to loose a little and felt good about myself. That maybe people would like me for me. The truth is people don’t treat you the same when you’re a fat person compared to being slim. It’s a little crushing. At the same time I know my friends like me for who I am and that they’re kind and good people because they don’t judge me for carrying a bit extra.
So until the last year I just kind of sailed along and just buried my head and didn’t look in the mirror. I’d break down every time I go shopping because I stopped fitting clothes in high street stores. And every attempt at the XL would suffocate me because they turned out a lot of the time to be a size 12-14.
What’s changed now?
Since starting my job I’ve realised how much weight I put on by staying at home with my daughter. I walk everywhere I go. I took her out all of the time but not enough for the ‘recommended daily steps’. Now I’m surpassing that and I’m seeing the effect it’s having on my body. And I’m feeling good about myself. I’m not as sluggish and as tired as I used to be. I feel motivated. Because I want to for once look in the mirror and go ‘you look great today’. And perhaps be able to shop in high street stores without having a breakdown about the way I look or the fact I can’t pull jeans over my thunder thighs.
What’s your next step?
I’m going to carry on doing me. Carry on taking those extra steps every day even when I’m not at work. I’m going to say no to the packet of crisps before bed that I don’t need. Maybe even have a day or two at the gym because I actually enjoy the gym and will be able to afford it now. I’ve even thought about joining Slimming World. And before anyone rolls their eyes I actually tried it previously and mainly all it did was reign in my bread and cheese consumption. Which is probably a good thing in my case!
And last but not least I’ve gone vegetarian. Eating less or no meat is the best thing we can do for our planet and I’ve decided that I needed to do it. Going Vegan is a lot better but I want to try and keep myself on track first. Although my boyfriend is vegan and we cook a lot of vegan food at home and have been doing so for years. It just helps I have that support too.
Whats your goal?
My final end goal is to lose a lot of weight. I don’t want to name where I want to be because I might change my mind once a bit has gone. And I also don’t want people back lashing me for having hope about my own body. Just more importantly I want to become healthier so I can be as active as possible and the best parent for my daughter too.