What it’s like to be a stay at home mum.

Oh Luna Lisa Cowan stay at home mum

Throughout my life I never decided to have children. I always thought they would be a burden, my life would stop, and that mama’s that stay at home are just benefit money grabbers. . Hear me out, I obviously don’t think that way now. Children was just not on my radar. It’s been one heck of a learning curve when it came to parenting and how my views on everything flipped and my emotions ran. And my views on wanting children but I’ll dive into that another time.

There are hundreds of reasons why mama’s stay at home. Some mama’s can’t afford to go work, they’re no better off and are waiting until the time is right. Some can’t afford child care. Some can’t find the right work. Some are laid off from their jobs. Some do it by choice, and they can afford to. There are so many different reasons why and I’m so sorry that  I was that teenager that shunned mothers (and fathers too) through plain ignorance. It’s a stigmatism that needs to be knocked down.  

Being a stay at home mum is hard work. Wanting to work but not being able to is one thing, but the fear of working 40 plus hours, to never see your child and barely come out with money at the end of it is another. I mean literally, to come out with a £200 after childcare. Without even considering other costs. It’s tough, and no one has it easy. Well, unless you’re a walking billionaire then maybe money isn’t an issue. Money isn’t happiness but it helps. 

However, money is the main factor in my own case. I can’t tell you how many days I dream about working, talking to other people and interacting and having a social life all over again. I’m a stay at home mama that can’t take my daughter to lots of different places every week, so I try my best to entertain her, and teach her at home. I’m doing a pretty damn good job too but it’s very tiring when you spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with the same little one.

Oh Luna Lisa Cowan stay at home mum

So like many mothers I’m trying to take charge of my life and I’m trying to earn a decent living from home because it just doesn’t seem like it’s a possibility to otherwise balance my life. It’s a struggle. It’s no joke, and I think parents who successfully work from home deserve more praise than they get.  Balancing time between work and your children, especially young children can be hard. Trying not to let the millions of chores get on top of you and just focus can get stressful but it’s not only that.

I’ve not really heard anyone say this but it gets lonely.  Staying at home and seeing the same four walls takes its toll on you. Having social media helps and it can also break you. I’ve made so many mama friends online who are in the same boat and we all talk about things and it’s great. It’s just they’re not here. They’re not here to have a cup of coffee and try and help you stop a toddler from pulling their nappy off. Or to help comfort on those bad days where you just want to talk to someone.  Seeing Instagram perfect pictures can be daunting too. I mean why couldn’t we all have Christmas pictures together wearing matching pyjamas? You can become very jealous of something that is very jaded. You just need to bear in mind that people share only glimpses of their life and that probably that coffee they’re bragging about is freezing cold. 

Sometimes I even feel like the brunt of the family. I want to be able to afford most things, spoil my family, days out, holidays ect. Not working to some people just screams lazy. We’re all driven to want to work, to strive for better. When in reality, I know what’s best for my child right now is me. Her mummy. Just sometimes, I wish other people saw it just like that.

And that’s how it is. I love Imogen beyond anything, shes this amazing little girl that’s starting to talk at almost 2 years old and wants to play pretend tea parties and also drives me up the wall by drawing on it with crayons. Having no money and just her love is enough, I just always want it to be more than enough for her too. I know she won’t care when she’s older or in fact that she won’t remember but it would just be nice to be able to go out a couple of times a week, do different things and treat us both to a coffee and cake or something. It’s not how it works for us unfortunately.

I took her to classes near us but they stopped due to the lack of attendees. Our local library is teeny tiny. And there’s nothing to go to within walking distance. It’s a struggle. It really is especially whilst it’s been cold.

My eyes have opened up a lot since becoming a mum. I was probably supposed to live my ‘best life’ by being wasted and following bands on tour. It’s what I did. I worked my arse off, and spent it by celebrating two weeks away getting drunk every night with my friends and loving life. It was our release. Now it’s come to a halt. I can’t just runaway with the circus. I have bigger priorities. I’ve lost touch with a lot of my friends because I can’t do what I’ve always done and meet them up and down the country, but that’s okay. I’ve been fortunate to be able to hold some of those friendships and when I contact them, they welcome me with open arms.

oh luna lisa cowan stay at home mum

Excuse my little ramble, it’s just tough staying at home every day but the love from your child is honestly the most rewarding thing I’ve come to know in my lifetime. It is because she looks at me like I’m the most amazing thing in the world. I know how to make her laugh, I know her in and out and every single sqweak and what they mean. And I know that no matter the hardships we face as a family, that I’ve got her. And R. I have them both. They’re worth anything I have to go through and face.

It’s just not easy being a stay at home mum. You learn who your true friends are. You learn how difficult life can get, how many sleepless nights can exhaust you to the point of passing out. About the stress it can cause with your partner. All about depression, anxiety and breakdowns too in my case. It’s a lot of weight on your shoulders, it really is but I’ve also got to watch my daughter grow up for the past two years and help shape her to the little happy girl she is now.

I’m just trying to tell you realistically that it’s been the hardest time in my life. But it’s also been my favourite so far and as cliche as it goes, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

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34 Comments

  1. April 5, 2018 / 8:42 am

    Awww such a honest and raw post. I was once a stay at home so I can relate and defo understand. I find motherhood in general is quite lonely anyway, i lost so many friends because my priorities changed. Things get slightly easier as they get older and sad as it is but you adjust a tad bit more! Hang on to your true friends, family and this beaut of an online community. If i’m ever in your neck of woods lets defo meet up for a coffee or wine maybe ha! xx

    • April 12, 2018 / 10:19 am

      Thanks Jen. It really is, isn’t it?! Like I didn’t think my life would be so dramatic and the change to be do drastic. Everything takes an extra 2 hours to go anywhere when it comes to having a child. That would be perfect, maybe both at the same time haha! x

  2. April 6, 2018 / 12:26 am

    Wow, this was so raw and honest Lisa.

    Honestly, growing up when people would ask me what I wanted to be I would always say a mum, and it was an even bigger dream to be a housewife and stay at home mum. I guess that’s because it was how I saw my family was growing up, but I don’t think I ever really thought about the harder realities of it like this.

    I think mothers and fathers that do whatever it takes for their kids, like you for example, are so inspiring. Imogene is a lucky little lady to have you as her mummy. Xx

    • April 12, 2018 / 10:38 am

      Thank you so much Angela. It’s honestly been the biggest learning curve of my life. It’s a lot to take in, and take on board. I just always pictured it as being easy and simple but in reality it’s not. X

  3. April 6, 2018 / 9:31 am

    I can totally imagine, my best friend was a stay at home mum and it was too much for her. It was so hard, you deserve a medal! BUT it’s lovely you get this time to watch you’re little one grow x

    • April 12, 2018 / 10:40 am

      That’s honestly what makes it all worth it. I just have to value whether that £200 a month was worth not seeing her grow up. It was a harsh reality shock but I’m glad I have the option to stay at home now. It’s been amazing watching her grow up and teaching her new words every day. X

  4. April 6, 2018 / 11:20 am

    People judge everything, whether a Mom stays at home or goes back to work, people just like to moan but they’re not worth your time at all – they know nothing. This is a beautiful post. I have so much respect for Mothers…you literally have a full-time job 24 hours 7 days a week and it can’t be easy. As long as your little ones and you are happy that’s all that matters! xx

    • April 12, 2018 / 8:07 pm

      Thank you Katrina! It’s a very judgemental world and we’re always gonna be picked on for one or the other no matter what we do. Thank you, she’s happy for the most part but it’s the terrible two’s now! Haha x

  5. April 6, 2018 / 2:42 pm

    This is such a heartfelt post. I felt so lost and lonely in those first few years of motherhood. It is incredibly difficult being a stay at home parent, especially if there aren’t any groups of classes near you. I found it got easier over time. Also don’t worry about not doing lots of outings or going for coffee and cake, just walks outside and spending time together is perfect enough. You are doing a fabulous job raising your little one! Sending love x

    • April 12, 2018 / 7:46 pm

      Thank you Emma. I just feel like after we’ve been through the rough winter and not being able to just go for a walk, it’s took it’s toll on me mentally being in all the time. I’m excited now the weather is starting to get better so we can go on long walks together and play in the garden and do more things together that aren’t just in the house. Thanks babes! x

  6. April 6, 2018 / 7:07 pm

    Choosing to not work and be a stay at home mum is defo not the easy option is it! I am a stay at home Mum and have been since I had my eldest. The price of childcare makes it more expensive to work for most people it’s madness! You really do find out who your real friends are when you have a baby!

    • April 12, 2018 / 7:40 pm

      It really isn’t. I find it so tough some days that I just want to break down crying, and some days I’m beyond happy. It’s tough work, but it’s our job to make sure they’re happy and well as stressful as it can be!

  7. April 7, 2018 / 1:56 pm

    It’s so hard being a stay at home mum isn’t it! I work from home because I don’t really have a choice and it is almost impossible some days! So many chores to do or if he’s teething, I just can’t get anything done. Some days it’s a breeze but it’s very up and down I find and we’re all superheroes for managing to make it work x

    • April 12, 2018 / 7:39 pm

      It’s so hard to find a balance and it’ll never really happen will it? And you’re right! Supermama’s!

  8. April 7, 2018 / 5:36 pm

    This blog post was packed with information babe and so well-written, really loved reading it and finding out a bit more about you and your life. Thanks for sharing! 🌸✨

    With love, Alisha Valerie x

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  9. April 7, 2018 / 6:54 pm

    This is so true! Some days I find it so hard being a stay at home mum and it annoys me when people say it is easy x

    • April 12, 2018 / 11:05 am

      It’s so tough but I guess it can come with naivety. I didn’t know anyone with kids, no young children in my huge family so it was a shock to the system! x

  10. April 8, 2018 / 9:09 am

    I can totally relate to your post, I was very much the same for quite a while, I’ve been a stay at home for a few years now, and you’re right, it’s not easy but we wouldn’t change it for the world! I think its especially tough when you don’t have the funds to go out for coffees or to softplay every week, something I found difficult when they aren’t many groups on in the area either!
    We ended up moving, not that far but there’s more going on around where we live now, thankfully and my girls are getting older now too so things are changing but I totally take my hat off to you, building your empire too! I am absolutley loving your blog and wish you all the best for the future! If you ever fancy meeting up in Manchester, let me know 🙂

    Steph (Mummy plus three girls)

    • April 12, 2018 / 7:37 pm

      I’m glad there’s a bit more where you’ve moved, it honestly does get a bit too much doesn’t it? And then you feel guilty. I wish I could do it all and you know it would benefit you both but it’s hard when the funds aren’t there! It suprises me that not many bloggers talk about it like it’s a taboo, but I want to be realistic. That would be lovely! I’m thinking about arranging a day for a few mama bloggers to meet up in Manchester. X

  11. April 8, 2018 / 12:24 pm

    Lisa this was such a brave post to write, and I’m going to assume not the easiest for you to publish, so well done. You’re doing an amazing job with Imogen and that’s all that matters in the end. It’s hard to keep a toddlers mind active sometimes, some of the things I try when we’re in the house is playing with the pots and pans on the kitchen floor, pretending to make cakes with them or even play music. We also look out of the window at the birdies flying past, and if it’s nice enough we go for a walk to see if we can see them. I’m sure you’ve tried these things but just know that you’re doing a great job and Imogen being happy is all that matters. Xxx

    • April 12, 2018 / 11:04 am

      Thank you Hayley. There was a lot I held back on, but I’m not ready to share that yet, ya know? Thankyou, we do those on the regular and go for walks and she pretends to smell every plant she comes across and I teach her as many words as I can. It’s not easy, but it’s do-able. Thank you that was really heart warming x

  12. April 8, 2018 / 9:01 pm

    Great post. Very honest. You are doing great! Keep being you. Your little one is gorgeous xx

    • April 12, 2018 / 11:01 am

      Thank you so much Laura! x

  13. April 9, 2018 / 8:57 am

    I don’t really think people realise just how expensive it is to have a child, child care is extortionate. Then there’s the not seeing your child much which is another battle.

    http://littlemissmelanie.com

    • April 12, 2018 / 11:01 am

      I honestly didn’t realise how expensive it was and since being pregnant and actually having my daughter, my local one has gone up £5 a day. Which works out as a lot! x

  14. April 9, 2018 / 10:15 am

    Gee, this was such a real and raw post. I am currently a home with Freddie and completely agree that it can be challenging as well as wonderful. Some days are rollercoasters and I also crave adult conversation sometimes! I think something has gone wrong somewhere that so many are prevented from being able to go back to work if they want to due to a lack of flexible working options and the cost of childcare. Thank you so much for sharing!

    Amy X

    • April 12, 2018 / 10:53 am

      Thank you Amy. It’s honestly ridiculous. I wish it was easier for lots of mums to be able to work, and not just ‘go into childcare’ because of the hours. Which I have been advised to before. It’s not my calling. We should have flexible working options and it’s not that easy is it? x

    • April 12, 2018 / 10:50 am

      Thank you so much, I try my best 🙂 x

  15. April 11, 2018 / 3:51 pm

    I couldn’t agree more – being a stay at home mum is seriously hard work! There’s no escaping the tantrums, or getting to have 5 minutes peace and quiet! I struggle some day I really do – this post was like reading about my own life from start to finish honestly! If I lived closer i’d come and have a (probably cold) cup of coffee with you!!! <3

    • April 12, 2018 / 10:42 am

      It really is isn’t it?! Some days she can be an angel and the world feels like my oyster but some days she’s irritated beyond repair and no matter what I do she throws tantrums all day long. It’s not easy and I just wish I could have a wee in peace! That would be lovely, it would be spent not talking but running after the kids haha! x

  16. April 16, 2018 / 8:17 am

    This is so true. I always knew from a young age that I didn’t want to work when my children were so little. Why would I pay someone else to raise my children, in a way that I probably don’t want them raised. I have my children to look after them, care for them and to teach them to become the best possible versions of themselves as possible. I’m not going to let someone else do this for me. I’m not going to let someone else feel the reward of the wonderful things my child does. I’m in such a lucky position that I don’t need to work since my partner earns enough for the both of us. But even he tells me that he’d rather me be at home with our baby than out at work while he’s dished around family or childcare.

    I feel so strongly on this too. People keep telling me I’m just sat on my arse all day. Am I fuck. God I’m angry now haha! I should write a post on my opinions of this.

    Much love, Caitylis x x

    • April 20, 2018 / 3:14 pm

      It’s just tough isn’t it?! Like I always imagined we’d be a lot steadier and not just rushed into a relationship and a baby straight away. I pictured that if it was to happen, that things would be easier outside of the baby but it’s not always that easy. But I’ve raised her and I’m doing a pretty damn good job despite our struggles as a family. Haha you totally should hun!

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