I wanted to talk to you about mum guilt and what it’s like and what it is. Lately I’ve been feeling guiltier than ever and I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Mum guilt or mom guilt I find isn’t just subjected to one thing in particular. It’s guilt mum’s can feel in all walks of parenthood from having a night out with friends, going shopping alone or even feeling guilty for giving your child a biscuit for 5 minutes peace.
There are just so many ways we can feel mum guilt and it’s not healthy. We shouldn’t feel this way but we can’t help it. Right now I’m looking at jobs knowing that if and when I find the right one, I’ll have to put my daughter into Nursery. She’s even entitled to free hours later this year and I don’t feel ready. I’m too attached.
We’ve got by with myself being a stay at home mum while my partner works long hours. We wanted to be there for her and all the milestones and to watch her grow up. It made sense for us and worked for us but now is the time to move on not only for money’s sake but her development. You can read my honest and raw experience about being a stay at home mum here.
Reasons I feel guilty.
I feel guilty that if I put her in nursery that I wont spend as much time with her and that sucks. But it’s not only nursery that I’ve felt mum guilt about. It’s the nights out/date nights that I can count on one hand that I’ve been on without her.
It’s when I go food shopping and I’m not lugging her around with me or nipping into town without her by my side I feel mum guilt.
The nights when R takes her to bed and she’s crying out for me.
When I’m cleaning the house instead of reading her a book that we’ve read together 4 times earlier that morning.
It’s spending money on myself for once instead of her. I very rarely treat myself and I get worked up when I spend money on things that I need.
The fact I didn’t breastfeed.
It’s how I hate my body. Despite my ongoing stomach issues, I’m at my heaviest I’ve ever been. And it stresses me out even though it grew her.
Guilt is when I throw her a quick meal together when she’s all of a sudden starving instead of cooking a proper meal from scratch.
The nights when she won’t go to sleep in her cot, and the nights she ends up in our bed co-sleeping. You can read all about why I think it’s now okay to co-sleep here.
It’s when I’m upset and tired and end up crying and she see’s it. I don’t want her to see her mum cry. I feel guilty about it.
It’s when she’s been frustrating that particular day for whatever reason and I raise my voice a little. When she doesn’t listen to me saying no the other 100 times. That guilt.
I feel guilty if I’m on my phone around my daughter too much. It seems like I should be consumed by her, even though my phone is my only communication with people away from R, my mum and my brother.
Why we shouldn’t feel guilty, even when we do.
As mums, parents in general we all feel a bit of guilt. It happens. But when you’re doing the best possible thing for your child, and YOURSELF then you shouldn’t feel guilty. So what if she’s got a micro pasta meal every now and then? So what if I didn’t fit in at the mum clubs because they made me feel uncomfortable. You’ve got to do what is for you too. Take some time to yourself. Ask someone for help, it doesn’t make you a failure. It makes you HUMAN.
Have you ever felt mum guilt? Let me know below.