Mum guilt and what it is.

mum guilt and what it's like ohluna blog

I wanted to talk to you about mum guilt and what it’s like and what it is. Lately I’ve been feeling guiltier than ever and I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Mum guilt or mom guilt I find isn’t just subjected to one thing in particular. It’s guilt mum’s can feel in all walks of parenthood from having a night out with friends, going shopping alone or even feeling guilty for giving your child a biscuit for 5 minutes peace.

There are just so many ways we can feel mum guilt and it’s not healthy. We shouldn’t feel this way but we can’t help it. Right now I’m looking at jobs knowing that if and when I find the right one, I’ll have to put my daughter into Nursery. She’s even entitled to free hours later this year and I don’t feel ready. I’m too attached.

We’ve got by with myself being a stay at home mum while my partner works long hours. We wanted to be there for her and all the milestones and to watch her grow up. It made sense for us and worked for us but now is the time to move on not only for money’s sake but her development. You can read my honest and raw experience about being a stay at home mum here.

Reasons I feel guilty.

I feel guilty that if I put her in nursery that I wont spend as much time with her and that sucks. But it’s not only nursery that I’ve felt mum guilt about. It’s the nights out/date nights that I can count on one hand that I’ve been on without her.

It’s when I go food shopping and I’m not lugging her around with me or nipping into town without her by my side I feel mum guilt.

The nights when R takes her to bed and she’s crying out for me.

When I’m cleaning the house instead of reading her a book that we’ve read together 4 times earlier that morning.

It’s spending money on myself for once instead of her. I very rarely treat myself and I get worked up when I spend money on things that I need.

The fact I didn’t breastfeed.

It’s how I hate my body. Despite my ongoing stomach issues, I’m at my heaviest I’ve ever been. And it stresses me out even though it grew her.

Guilt is when I throw her a quick meal together when she’s all of a sudden starving instead of cooking a proper meal from scratch.

The nights when she won’t go to sleep in her cot, and the nights she ends up in our bed co-sleeping. You can read all about why I think it’s now okay to co-sleep here.

It’s when I’m upset and tired and end up crying and she see’s it. I don’t want her to see her mum cry. I feel guilty about it.

It’s when she’s been frustrating that particular day for whatever reason and I raise my voice a little. When she doesn’t listen to me saying no the other 100 times. That guilt.

I feel guilty if I’m on my phone around my daughter too much. It seems like I should be consumed by her, even though my phone is my only communication with people away from R, my mum and my brother.

Why we shouldn’t feel guilty, even when we do.

As mums, parents in general we all feel a bit of guilt. It happens. But when you’re doing the best possible thing for your child, and YOURSELF then you shouldn’t feel guilty. So what if she’s got a micro pasta meal every now and then? So what if I didn’t fit in at the mum clubs because they made me feel uncomfortable. You’ve got to do what is for you too. Take some time to yourself. Ask someone for help, it doesn’t make you a failure. It makes you HUMAN.

Have you ever felt mum guilt? Let me know below.

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12 Comments

  1. May 25, 2018 / 6:53 am

    It upsets me to hear that you feel guilty babe as you seem like a wonderful mum so you’re doing everything you can for her best interests. Please don’t feel guilty about raising your child the way you think is best. 🌸✨

    With love, ALISHA VALERIE xoxo

    • May 26, 2018 / 10:12 pm

      Thankyou Alisha! It just creeps up on me a lot and I know it does for a few of my friends too, just trying to get it out of your head is hard! x

  2. May 25, 2018 / 11:36 am

    I feel mum guilt all the time! I need to learn to stop feeling so bad when I do things for myself xx

    • May 26, 2018 / 10:08 pm

      It’s so hard to step out of though isn’t it?! It just keeps cropping up on you. We both need to learn to be guilt free! x

  3. June 3, 2018 / 1:20 pm

    It is so easier said than done but i think it gets easier as they get older because they become more independent. Dont get me wrong , sometimes it creeps back up but it was defo at its peak when Kourtney was a bubba/ toddler. Listen to me, your a fantastic mother and entitled to a little time for yourself. Especially to recharge and feel human. You got this mama xxx

    • June 12, 2018 / 9:49 pm

      Thank you so much Jen, this made me feel so much better when I received this comment! x

  4. June 3, 2018 / 8:25 pm

    Mum guilt really can creep up at anything can’t it? I ran out to the chemist one day to pick up a prescription and she cried with my Mum almost the whole time I was gone. She fell asleep just before I got back. I was gone for 20 minutes!!! But I felt so guilty that she fell asleep before seeing that I was coming back. It broke my heart to know she fell asleep sad. But of course she was right as rain when she woke up! We need to constantly remind ourselves that these little moments will have no lasting effect on them. But it is easier said than done for sure!

    • June 12, 2018 / 9:18 pm

      Exactly! It breaks my heart when I hear her cry if I’ve gone upstairs even just for a shower! But you’ve just got to remember that you’re not doing anything wrong x

  5. June 5, 2018 / 10:18 am

    I wish I was warned about the Mum guilt that comes with having kids! I think the fact we are worrying whether we are good enough just shows that we are <3

    • June 12, 2018 / 9:16 pm

      I totally agree I forever think I don’t do enough or spend enough time doing such a thing when I spend every damn minute with her. x

  6. June 14, 2018 / 3:34 pm

    Funnily enough I’ve had a mum guilt post in my drafts for well over a month now and haven’t bothered to post it!! I loved reading this though as I felt so much less alone so maybe I should post mine too! But I feel you so much with this, mum guilt is the worst and it just pops up so randomly doesn’t it?! But you’re right! We’re all doing our best and that’s all that matters 💖

    • July 5, 2018 / 11:49 pm

      You should! It’s not talked about openly enough I feel. I felt ashamed when it’s kinda common. Forever doing our best and putting ourselves down. Time to change it! x

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